ADHD, ADD & AuDHD at Work – Part 6: Diagnosed or Just Relatable?
- Jun 5
- 10 min read
Updated: Jun 6
In Part 6 of the series, we dive deep into the grey zone between formal diagnosis and lived neurodivergence. From late-night ADHD “vibe checks” to professional masking loops, this section unpacks the tension between surviving and actually thriving.
You’ll learn:
Why the line between burnout and ADHD is often blurry — but valid
How survival strategies (like overplanning or emotional masking) are misread as strengths
The hidden cost of “professionalism” for neurodivergent brains
What real support can look like — without needing to trauma-dump for permission
And yes — you’ll walk away with practical tools to unmask, advocate, and lead without sacrificing yourself in the process.
This isn’t about labels. It’s about liberation.
Diagnosed or Just Relatable?
The ADHD “Vibe Check” Era — What’s Real, What’s Trendy, and Why It’s Both
Scene: The TikTok Spiral
You scroll past a video that says:
“If you can’t start tasks, forget why you walked into a room, or get hyper-obsessed with one idea for 12 hours — you might have ADHD!”
Cut to you at 2am googling “ADHD test for adults.”
You check 19 boxes.
You also feel weirdly… seen.
Then comes the doubt:
“Maybe I’m just lazy.”
“Everyone’s like this now.”
“Am I making it up?”
This is the dilemma of the undiagnosed-but-struggling brain in an overstimulating, under-supportive world.
Let’s Define the Core Issue
Formal ADHD Diagnosis: A
medical or psychological evaluation based on clinical criteria (DSM-5 or ICD-11), often requiring a thorough history and symptoms across settings.
Relatable ADHD-Like Traits:
Executive dysfunction, overwhelm, low motivation, procrastination — which are also symptoms of burnout, trauma, anxiety, capitalism, and modern life.
So yes — everyone may feel “a little ADHD” sometimes.
But that doesn’t mean they live with persistent neurological differences that shape every domain of their life.
The Harm of “Everyone’s a Little ADHD”
What It Sounds Like | Why It’s Harmful |
“We all forget things.” | Minimizes the chronic pattern and impact. |
“You just need a planner.” | Ignores the nervous system component. |
“ADHD is trendy now.” | Undermines decades of internal struggle. |
“Don’t self-diagnose from social media.” | Valid concern — but often used to silence. |
This mindset gaslights people who are genuinely struggling but functional enough to be dismissed.
It also shames those trying to explore their experience before they have “proof.”
Self-Inquiry vs. Self-Pathologizing
Let’s get nuanced:
Self-Inquiry:
Curious
Compassionate
Seeks patterns and context
Leads to more aligned systems or diagnosis (if needed)
Self-Pathologizing:
Shame-fueled
Desperate for a label to explain pain
Over-identifies with symptoms without support
May lead to spirals of inaction or blame
Both are responses to unmet needs.
But one empowers you. The other keeps you stuck.
So... Do You Need a Diagnosis or a Better System?
Here’s a grounded approach to that question:
Ask Yourself | If Yes… | Try This |
Do I struggle daily across multiple areas (work, home, relationships)? | 🧠 This might be ADHD | Seek an ADHD-informed assessment |
Do traditional productivity tools never work for me? | 🧩 Neurodivergent brains need custom scaffolding | Explore strengths-based systems |
Do I mask or perform “fine” but feel depleted constantly? | 🚨 Chronic masking can hide core struggles | Look into emotional burnout & executive overload |
Am I looking for permission to get help? | 💬 That’s valid — diagnosis isn’t the only doorway | Consider therapy or coaching regardless |
Real-World Example (Not Silicon Valley Bro Edition)
Mikaela Loach, climate justice activist, med student, and writer — speaks openly about navigating systems that weren't built for neurodivergent or multiply marginalized identities.
Her journey into sustainable activism includes unlearning burnout, exploring identity layers, and honoring needs — even before a formal label came into play.
“The system tells us to fix ourselves. What if the system needs fixing?”
That’s the difference between pathologizing and reclaiming.
The Takeaway: Label or Not, You Deserve Support
You don’t have to be diagnosed to be overwhelmed.
You don’t have to struggle silently just because you “function.”
If it feels like your brain’s on hard mode, that’s reason enough to rework your systems.
And if those systems don’t work no matter what — it’s worth getting curious about what else is going on.
You’re not faking it.
You’re finally noticing it.
Coping Isn’t Thriving: When Survival Strategies Backfire
From Holding It All Together to Actually Getting What You Need
Scene: High-Functioning and Hollowed Out
You’re the reliable one.
The organized one.
The one who’s always early, always helpful, always calm in chaos.
People praise your “professionalism.”
Your inbox is tidy, your notes are color-coded, your hand’s always up.
But inside?
You’re one delayed email away from collapse.
You ’re spinning 10 backup plans at once.
You’ve forgotten what rest even feels like — let alone ease.
This is what it looks like when coping mechanisms get mistaken for capability.
And this?
Is not thriving.
It’s camouflaged burnout.
Coping Mechanisms vs. Compensatory Exhaustion
Let’s get precise:
Coping strategies are meant to reduce distress or increase stability.
Chronic compensation is what happens when those strategies become your entire personality.
Instead of using tools to support your brain, you start performing stability 24/7 — and paying for it with your energy, clarity, and health.
Common ADHD / AuDHD Survival Strategies
(That People Mistake for High Performance)
Coping Mechanism | What It Looks Like | Why It Backfires |
🗓 Overplanning | Multiple calendars, sticky notes, backups to backups | Paralysis by prep; creates fear of spontaneity |
💬 Overexplaining | Justifying every action to avoid rejection or blame | Reinforces shame and fear of being misunderstood |
🤝 Overcommitting | Saying yes to everything to prove worth or stay included | Leads to resentment, missed deadlines, and identity blur |
🧍 Masking as “professionalism” | Tone-policing yourself, mimicking neurotypical work styles | Disconnection from self, emotional burnout |
🤖 Over-optimizing | Endless productivity hacks, zero downtime | Confuses management with healing; still not meeting your needs |
😅 Humor-as-shield | Self-deprecating jokes to downplay real struggle | Prevents serious conversations about support |
📦 Hyper-adaptability | Shifting roles, pace, or communication constantly | Loss of authentic voice and preferences |
The Cost of Chronic Coping
Energy leaks you can’t explain
Executive function crashes in private
Identity confusion: Who am I when I’m not performing?
Burnout cycles disguised as “being busy”
Silent resentment toward work, team, or even self
Hiding your needs until they explode
High-functioning ADHD doesn’t mean you’re fine.
It often means you’re hiding how hard it is to look fine.
What Sustainable Support Actually Looks Like
You don’t need another tool.
You need permission + structure to thrive differently.
Real, Regenerative Support Includes:
Support Type | Example | Why It Works |
🔄 Cycle-aware task design | Stagger deep work and admin around energy waves | Supports brain rhythm, not just schedule |
👂 Neurodivergent-informed 1:1s | Weekly check-ins that include executive load & sensory bandwidth | Encourages safe self-expression |
🧩 Flexible deadlines with transparency | Realistic expectations with room for recovery | Reduces panic loops, supports trust |
🧘♂️ Sensory accommodation | Noise-cancelling headphones, stim breaks, texture-friendly attire | Helps regulate input, not suppress it |
🗣 Language of needs over blame | “Here’s what I need to deliver this well” vs. “I can’t” | Builds psychological safety and collaboration |
How to Ask for Support at Work — Without Overexplaining
You don’t need to write a memoir in your Slack request.
Try these language shifts instead:
Instead of… | Try Saying… |
“Sorry I’m behind, I’ve been overwhelmed and trying to get it right” | “I need an extra day to deliver something at the quality I want. Will that work for you?” |
“This is hard for me because of how my brain works” | “The current structure makes this challenging — here’s a small shift that would help me contribute more effectively.” |
“I just can’t focus today” | “I’m in a low-executive-function moment — I’ll tackle admin now and shift deeper tasks to tomorrow.” |
Note: You don’t have to disclose your diagnosis to advocate for support.
You can lead with impact-focused clarity instead.
Takeaway: You Deserve Systems That Serve You — Not Just Hide the Struggle
If your entire identity is built around surviving work…That’s not your fault. That’s a signal.
True leadership — especially for neurodivergent minds — isn’t about holding it all together at any costs.
It’s about designing lives and systems where holding it together isn’t necessary.
You don’t need to cope harder.
You need to belong better.
Self-Audit Worksheet: “Coping vs. Thriving — Where Am I?”
You’re not overreacting. You’re adapting — brilliantly. But at what cost?
Use this worksheet to reflect on whether you’re surviving or actually thriving in your current environment.
Section 1: Daily Check-In
How do you show up most days?
Check all that apply:
☐ I feel grounded and clear most mornings
☐ I over-prepare for tasks I already know how to do
☐ I say yes to things I don’t have capacity for
☐ I feel I can ask for what I need without guilt
☐ I mask fatigue or overload in meetings
☐ I enjoy my work and recover easily after hard days
☐ I rehearse or rewrite simple messages/emails to “get it right”
☐ I need downtime after any form of social interaction
☐ I know when to pause and reset, and I actually do it
Section 2: Survival Strategy Inventory
Which of these do you rely on to "hold it together"?
Coping Strategy | Often | Sometimes | Rarely | Never |
Overplanning every detail | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Re-reading or rewriting messages excessively | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Working longer to avoid being judged | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Avoiding breaks due to guilt | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Masking emotions or needs in professional settings | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Multitasking as a form of urgency coping | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Saying yes to maintain likability | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Needing validation to start or finish tasks | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ | ☐ |
Section 3: Signs of Thriving
Where are you starting to build sustainability?
☐ I’ve set at least one boundary and stuck to it
☐ I’ve experimented with a routine that supports my energy
☐ I’ve expressed a need without apology or over-explaining
☐ I’ve asked for a deadline shift that actually helped
☐ I’ve celebrated progress instead of perfection
☐ I’ve shared a strategy that works for my brain with my team
Reflection Prompt
What’s one area where you’re still coping, not thriving — and one small shift you could try this week?
Next up:
Script Toolkit:
How to Ask for Workplace Accommodations Without Burnout Language
These scripts are written to be clear, professional, and empowering — no trauma-dumping or shame spirals required.
Script #1: Requesting Structure or Deadline Flexibility
"I’ve found that I produce my best work when I can map tasks across energy cycles rather than fixed hours. Could we explore a timeline that allows for that flexibility?"
Script #2: Sensory Support or Focus Needs
"I work best in lower-stimulation environments. I'd like to explore some adjustments like noise-canceling headphones or flexible hours to help maintain focus and avoid burnout."
Script #3: Executive Load Support
"When managing multiple streams, I do best with visual workflows or check-in points. Would it be possible to co-design a simple dashboard or review rhythm?"
Script #4: Declining Without Self-Blame
"To ensure I’m delivering at full quality on my current priorities, I’ll need to pass on this request. Let me know if there’s another way I can contribute."
You can mix, match, and personalize — but the formula remains:
Frame the ask + anchor in performance impact + communicate your needs as strategic alignment.
Now, for your leadership layer:
Leadership Briefing: How to Spot Coping Before Burnout in Your Team
If you wait until they crash, you waited too long.
These signals help leaders identify when neurodivergent (and other high-masking) team members are surviving, not thriving.
5 Hidden Red Flags
Signal | What You Might See | What It Might Mean |
🔁 Over-responsiveness | Instant replies at all hours | Fear of appearing incompetent or lazy |
🎭 Perfectionism in small tasks | Rechecking tiny details, high stress for small deliverables | Shame-driven masking of executive function struggles |
🙅 Never asks for help | “I’ve got it” even when drowning | Belief that support = failure or exposure |
🎯 Takes on too much | Volunteers beyond bandwidth | Overcompensating for internal doubt or fear of rejection |
🤐 No feedback, no emotion | “All good” even in high pressure | Emotional masking, possible disconnection or shutdown |
What Managers Can Do Instead Normalize asking for needs — in everyone’s workflow
Offer structured flexibility — don’t wait for burnout
Normalize asking for needs — in everyone’s workflow
Learn the signs of masking and overfunctioning
Build project cadences that include regulation buffers
Create safety by being open about your working style
Dopamine Stacker™
For Neurodivergent Minds That Need More Than a To-Do List
This isn’t a “just start” hack.
It’s a self-designed momentum sequence that honors how ADHD brains actually work: reward first, clarity second, tasks third.
Step 1: Pick Your Entry Point
Start with something that gives you an immediate dopamine hit — not necessarily your “top priority.”
Choose one:
⬜ Micro-task I can complete in under 2 minutes
⬜ Start favorite playlist / background audio
⬜ Read or learn 1 useful thing (e.g. newsletter, short video)
⬜ Reset space (clear one surface, close 3 tabs)
⬜ Put on outfit or hoodie that makes me feel on
Step 2: Build the Stack
After your dopamine spark, stack the next action using a “low-friction → high-impact” sequence.
Stack options (check 3):
⬜ Drink water / prep focus beverage
⬜ Write out only the first 3 tasks of the day
⬜ Set a timer for 15–25 min & start the first task
⬜ Body double (virtual co-working, check-in text)
⬜ Review calendar for surprise energy-zappers
⬜ Send 1 reply I’ve been avoiding to get it off my plate
⬜ Use voice notes if typing feels like a wall
Step 3: Stack a Reset (Before You Crash)
Don’t wait for a shutdown. Build in your own recovery loop.
Reset tools:
⬜ Stand up / short walk
⬜ Sensory reset (stimming, fidget, weighted item)
⬜ 5-minute no-screen moment
⬜ Snack (protein + carb = brain fuel)
⬜ 3 deep breaths or bilateral tapping
Optional Power Phrases (Say Them Out Loud)
“This task doesn’t define my worth.”
“Starting small is still starting.”
“I’m allowed to do this my way.”
“Momentum matters more than perfection.”
“Breaks are fuel, not failure.”
Bonus: Stack Templates You Can Repeat Daily
Morning Stack Example
Make tea → Play playlist → Write 3 tasks → Timer → Reset after 25 mins
Afternoon Reboot
Eat → Fidget → Voice memo reply → 15-min burst
🔚 You’re Not Faking. You’re Finally Noticing.
If your systems are built to suppress your needs instead of support your brain — it’s no wonder you feel stuck, exhausted, or disconnected.
This isn’t about chasing a label.
It’s about claiming a life where you don’t have to perform being okay just to belong.
You deserve structures that fit you.Not systems that constantly ask you to shrink, overfunction, or mask to survive.
Let’s rebuild — in a way that lets you show up as the whole, brilliant, and slightly spicy human you already are.
📥 Download + What’s Next
Ready to spot the signs before burnout hits?
→ Download the full in next blog to start unmasking, recalibrating, and leading without exhaustion.
And keep your eyes open for the next post in this series:
“How Emotions Actually Work (and Why You’re Not Too Much)”
We’ll decode neurodivergent emotional regulation, resilience, and what leadership looks like beyond stoicism.
💬 Want to go deeper?
Work with me inside the Gentle Leadership for Neurodivergent Minds™ program — where we turn self-awareness into real-world tools for work, teams, and thriving.
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