ADHD, ADD & AuDHD at Work – Part 3

Invisible Friction – When Everyday Tasks Feel Like Climbing Walls

Ever wondered why you forget to respond to that one email… again?

Why you freeze at small tasks, get distracted mid-sentence, or feel like your brain is constantly buffering?

Welcome to the world of invisible cognitive friction – one of the most misunderstood experiences of ADHD and AuDHD.

In this part of the series, we explore:

• Why “simple things” aren’t always simple

• What task switching, mental noise, and internal chaos really feel like

• How inconsistency isn’t a character flaw, but a bandwidth issue

• And why guilt only makes it worse

This isn’t about productivity hacks.

It’s about understanding your inner terrain – and how to lead, live, and work from a place of awareness instead of shame.

If you’ve ever felt like your mind is a browser with 37 tabs open and 3 playing music… this part will hit home.

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Task Initiation: When “Just Start” Isn’t Helpful Advice

Starting the task is often more exhausting than doing the task.

For ADHD brains, the issue isn’t laziness, resistance, or a poor attitude toward work — it’s

neurological inertia.

The brain struggles to generate activation energy, especially when the task feels:

• Ambiguous (Where do I begin?)

• Emotionally loaded (What if I mess it up?)

• Low-reward (Why bother?)

• Shame-triggering (I'm already behind...)

What’s Really Going On?

Imagine your brain as an engine. For neurotypicals, the ignition turns over with a to-do list and a

calendar ping.

For ADHDers? That ignition key is missing — or buried under 12 tabs, three browser windows,

and the sudden need to organize the snack drawer.

This isn’t procrastination in the classic sense.

It’s a disconnect between intention and initiation — the desire is there, but the neural pathway

to action is foggy, flooded, or just plain stalled.

It’s not “I don’t want to.” It’s “My brain hasn’t launched the sequence yet.”

What It Feels Like (And Why It’s Misunderstood)

• You want to reply to the email, but your hands won’t move.

• You know the report is due, but your body chooses to alphabetize your bookshelf.

• You care deeply — but you can’t begin.

This can trigger deep internalized shame. “Why can I lead a team, pitch investors, and launch a

product — but I can’t start a 10-minute admin task?”

Answer: Because those aren’t the same brain functions — and the latter lacks the urgency-

dopamine combo your brain responds to.

Real-World Case: Jules and the Folder Frenzy

Meet Jules, a brilliant founder with a bold vision and a brain full of fire.

At 10:00 AM, they’ve got 47 Slack messages and 2 investor emails flagged red.

At 11:30 AM, they’ve color-coded their Google Drive folder structure... alphabetically.

The urgent work still isn’t touched — but their nervous system feels regulated.

Why? Because reorganizing felt startable. Clear. Bounded. Safe.

Hypercleaning, folder-fiddling, inbox sorting — these aren’t always avoidance.

Sometimes they’re the warm-up lap.

The brain finding traction in something concrete.

Tangible Activation Tools (That Actually Work)

Hacks & why It Works

Micro-starts: “Just open doc” → theBreaks the seal. Initiation ≠ completion.

8-Minute Rule: “Just for a little bit” → Makes the start feel safe — and less permanent.

Body Doubling → Adds co-regulation + gentle peer pressure. Virtual counts.

Task Preview →Write out task components so your brain sees the shape.

Environmental Anchors → Rituals like same playlist, drink, or workspace = cue brain into ‘go mode’.

Reward the Start → Give yourself a dopamine hit just for beginning.

Make It Physical → Say it aloud. Move around. Engage your body to activate your brain.

Use the GEMO Principle → Good Enough. Move On. Starting doesn’t mean perfecting.

💬 Internal Reframes That Help

“The task is not the enemy — the fog is.”

“I only need to start. The rest can follow.”

“Stuck ≠ unmotivated. Stuck = I need a spark.”

“The brain isn’t broken — it just needs a jumpstart.”

In Leadership Context

A neurodivergent leader may appear “disorganized” or “always behind schedule” — but

consistently delivers under pressure.

Why? Because pressure provides activation.

But this cycle isn’t sustainable — and it often comes at the cost of health, rest, and peace.

If someone’s always “late starting” but never fails to deliver, don’t question their capability

— examine their initiation environment.

Leadership-Level Shifts

• Build in start rituals, not just deadlines.

• Prioritize clarity over urgency — clear instructions beat panic motivation.

• Provide dopamine bait at the beginning of workflows, not just at the finish line.

• Respect that warm-up isn’t wasted time — it’s essential scaffolding.

• Reframe deadlines as kickoff points, not just endpoints.

Task initiation isn’t a calendar issue. It’s a nervous system issue.

Design with that truth in mind, and you unlock a whole new level of leadership capacity — for

yourself and your team.

Decision Fatigue & Choice Paralysis

Too many options = mental quicksand.

For the ADHD brain, decision-making is not a neutral activity.

It’s an energy drain.

A cognitive tax.

A daily obstacle course made of Slack pings, calendar

invites, and menu options.

It’s not that you don’t know what you want — it’s that your brain hits the brakes at every fork

in the road.

Why It Happens

The ADHD brain runs low on executive functioning fuel.Every choice — even small ones —

uses up spoons.

Unlike neurotypical brains, which can filter quickly (“This doesn’t matter, just pick”), ADHD

brains evaluate each option as if it matters equally.

➡ Which meeting slot?

➡ Which lunch?

➡ Which tool for that task?

➡ Should I reply now or later?

➡ Do I say yes to that partnership?

All of them feel urgent.

All of them feel real.

All of them hit at once.

How It Shows UpAvoidance → “I’ll deal with this later” = the digital equivalent of stuffing it under the bed

Overreacting → A meltdown over choosing between sushi or soup (yes, it’s real)

Over-delegation → “You just decide” becomes a default, not a strategy

Shutdown → Executive function goes dark. No thoughts. Only couch.

In a Leadership Context

This kind of decision fatigue can lead to:

❌ Delayed project calls (“Can’t decide which version to ship”)

❌ Micromanagement of others (“Just make a choice!” → but only when you need to)

❌ Poor time use — hours spent on low-impact decisions while big ones linger

❌ Emotional friction — impatience, self-criticism, or team confusion

Worse: when people interpret indecision as disinterest or disorganization.

👉 It’s not that you don’t care. It’s that your neurobiology is buffering.

Leadership Fixes that Actually Work

Automate the Small Stuff

Wear the same outfit on workdays. Pre-plan lunch. Default Zoom slot.

The less you decide, the more you can decide.

Pre-Decide Priorities

Each morning or week: “These 2 tasks = top priority.”

This helps your brain filter the noise —

and reduces panic-picking.

Chunk Decisions as Tasks

Don’t just “make the call.

”Schedule 20 min as “Decision Time.” Treat it like coding or writing

— a task that needs space.

Use the 2-Minute Rule

If it takes less than 2 minutes to decide → do it now. If it needs thought → block it. No more

“just one more scroll.”

GEMO Principle

(Good Enough, Move On)Perfectionism is decision fatigue in a tuxedo.If it works? Ship it. If it’s

functional? Don’t fix it.

Save your brilliance for where it counts.

Decision Buffering Systems

Use decision trees, rubrics, or even a “parking lot” list to defer non-urgent choices without guilt.

Leadership Insight

The best leaders don’t make every decision.

They design systems that support smarter ones — and protect their executive bandwidth.

So if you feel like choosing a color palette is melting your brain?

You’re just maxed out — and it’s time to systemize the load.

Because in ADHD leadership, clarity isn’t a gift — it’s a survival strategy.

ADHD Hyperfocus: Superpower, Trap… or Both?

If ADHD had a plot twist, this would be it.

Yes, people with ADHD struggle to start tasks.

But once they do?

They may enter a neural wormhole of time distortion, caffeine neglect, and creative obsession

that would impress even Silicon Valley’s finest.

What Hyperfocus Really Is

It’s not “being productive.”It’s being locked in — sometimes by brilliance, sometimes by fear,

sometimes by the desperate chase for dopamine.

ADHD hyperfocus is intense concentration that excludes all else. Food? Irrelevant. Time? A

myth. Emails? What emails?

It often looks like:

• Fixating on a UI bug for 9 hours without a break

• Rebuilding a 30-slide pitch deck from scratch… for the fourth time

• Spending all day optimizing a Slack workflow — while ignoring client deliverables

Why It Happens

ADHD brains have dopamine regulation issues.

Hyperfocus floods the system with dopamine —

especially when a task feels novel, challenging, or emotionally urgent.

It’s the brain saying:

“Ooh, finally — something interesting enough to keep me online. We ride at dawn.”

The downside?

The brakes don’t work. There’s no internal “stop” signal. It’s all gas, no gear shift.

Leadership Fallout

Hyperfocus can fuel:

✅ Deep innovation

✅ Stunning problem-solving

✅ Lightning-speed turnarounds

But it can also cause:

❌ Burnout from forgetting to eat, sleep, hydrate

❌ Perfectionism spirals — fixing what didn’t need fixing

❌ Tunnel vision — missing broader priorities or people needs

❌ Team misreads — “Why is our leader ghosting us over a color palette?”

The Paradox

You can both:

• Design genius systems no one else would dream up

• And forget to respond to the team group chat for 3 days straightHyperfocus isn’t laziness.

It ’s your brain screaming: “Finally, a signal strong enough to override the noise!”

But that doesn’t mean it’s always healthy — or strategic.

Supportive Moves that Work

Timebox Deep Work

Set start and stop points — even soft ones. Alarms, smart watches, co-working cues help.

Nourishment Checkpoints

Pre-set times for water, food, walks. (Yes, you need a snack break, too.)

Accountability Buddies

Let someone on your team know: “If I don’t check in by X, come knock on my digital door.”

Debrief Post-Hyperfocus

Reflect: “Was that worth it? Did it cost me recovery time?” If yes, rebalance.

Hyperfocus ≠ Productivity Badge

Just because it felt intense doesn’t mean it was necessary. Audit your ROI.

GEMO: Good Enough, Move On

Your slides are fine. Your doc is fine. Your work is enough.Done is better than depleted.

Leadership Shift

Hyperfocus is a double-edged sword — but when you know it’s coming, you can:

• Use it strategically (for deep work sprints)

• Recover deliberately (yes, actual rest)• And design workflows that leverage your focus — without letting it hijack your leadership

Because great leadership isn’t about doing it all.

It’s about knowing when to go deep, when to come up for air, and when to say:

👉 “That’s good enough. Let’s ship it.”

Misdiagnosis, Mislabeling & Missed Support

When the system sees symptoms — but not the story.

For many adults — especially women, BIPOC professionals, LGBTQIA+ leaders, and anyone

socialized to "keep it together" — the ADHD diagnosis doesn't come in childhood.

It comes after years of coping. Masking. Failing silently.

And by then? The narrative has already taken hold:

“You’re just anxious.”

“You’re too emotional.”

“You need to get organized.”

“You’re not cut out for leadership.”

No one looked under the hood. No one asked about executive function, stimulus regulation, or

dopamine wiring.

They saw the surface — and labeled it character instead of neurobiology.

What Gets Misread:

“Anxious” =

A hypervigilant brain trying to manage 47 competing thoughts at once“Disorganized” = A brilliant system that isn’t visible or linear

“Emotional” =

A dysregulated nervous system reacting authentically, not weakly

“Not leadership material” = A visionary mind that doesn’t fit a corporate mold

These labels aren’t just wrong — they’re dangerous.

Because they delay the support that changes everything.

Why It Happens — Especially in Marginalized Groups

Social conditioning:

Many women and AFAB folks are taught to people-please, not disrupt.

Their hyperactivity goes inward. Their masking becomes masterful.

Racial & cultural bias:

In some cultures, emotional expression or distractibility is more harshly judged.

Black and Brown professionals, in particular, face steeper penalties for the same traits.

Trauma overlap:

CPTSD, anxiety, and chronic stress can mirror ADHD traits — and often coexist.

Without a trauma-informed, neurodivergent-literate lens, it’s easy to misdiagnose.

“You’re too smart” myth:

High achievers get dismissed. If you're succeeding, you can’t have ADHD, right?

(Wrong. They're often succeeding because they’re compensating relentlessly.)

😔 The Cost of the Wrong Label

• Years of untreated ADHD symptoms

• Constant self-blame and imposter syndrome• Leadership potential left untapped

• Invisible burnout from overfunctioning

• Therapy that misses the core wiring

• Workplace performance anxiety masked as perfectionism

What We Need to Normalize:

Getting evaluated — at any age

Diagnosis in adulthood is still valid. And life-changing.

It’s not too late — it’s finally the right time.

Seeing trauma, neurodivergence & identity as intersecting — not separate lanes

Executive dysfunction doesn’t happen in a vacuum.And healing requires looking at the full

picture, not isolated symptoms.

Redefining what “professional” looks like

It’s not calm, linear, and always-on.

It can be creative, nonlinear, strategic, and intense — with the right scaffolding.

Creating leadership cultures that value neurodiversity

It’s not just about hiring more “diverse” leaders.

It ’s about designing systems where different brains can thrive — without burning out.

Unmasking Self-Talk

Most of us don’t just mask our behaviors — we mask our inner dialogue, too.

It sounds like:“Why can’t I just do this like everyone else?”

“This should be easy.”

“If I need this much support, am I even qualified?”

“They’re going to figure out I’m faking it.”

This inner monologue doesn’t just reflect doubt — it reinforces shame.

And when unexamined, it quietly shapes how we lead, how we speak up, and how we recover

from setbacks.

Unmasking Self-Talk means:

• Identifying the scripts that keep you small

• Replacing shame-based language with compassionate truth

• Speaking to yourself like you would to a teammate you respect

• Making internal permission a leadership skill

Transformations to Practice:

Old Script New Script

“I’m a mess today.” “My brain’s in a fog. I’ll adjust the pace.”

“I should be able to finish this without help.” “Support is how I scale — not a sign of weakness.”

“They’re going to think I’m unprofessional.” “Honest communication builds trust, not perfection.”

“I’m behind again.” “I’m recalibrating. Not failing — adjusting.”

“Everyone else is doing fine.” “Everyone else is masking, too — I’m just ready to lead differently.”

Practices to Reinforce Unmasked Self-Talk:

• Create a ‘Kind Script’ list — go-to phrases that re-regulate your nervous system

• Journal the cost of masking vs. the impact of honesty — even in micro-moments

• Share your “reframe of the week” with a peer, coach, or ND founder group

• Use visual cues (post-its, desktop notes) that anchor new internal scripts

• Reflect on moments when authenticity built more connection than control

Leadership isn’t about always being regulated.

It’s about narrating your experience in a way that invites safety and clarity — for yourself and

others.

Unmasking begins in your mind — and that internal shift changes everything on the outside.

Leadership Insight

Being misdiagnosed doesn’t mean you were wrong.

Itmeans the system was never designed with your wiring in mind.

Let’s change that — not just for you, but for the next generation of leaders who won’t have to

wait until they're drowning to be seen.

TL;DR (But Still Important):

ADHD doesn’t always “look” like anything specific — and that’s what makes it tricky.

It’s inconsistent, context-dependent, and often masked.

And in leadership, that means:

• Today’s powerhouse = tomorrow’s brain fog.

• Strategic genius = missed follow-up.

• Empathetic leader = emotional overwhelm.

👉 What you see isn't always the full picture.

Support the process, not just the performance.

Book: Gentle Leadership for Neurodivergent Minds